Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

 Can I just start by saying how happy I am that November 9th is only a week away? I have been avoiding writing this for weeks, but God put it on my heart to say something today. This election season has made my heart ache. I have seen relationships fractured, even broken because of differences of opinion and our inability to have compassion for others. There is very little attempt to understand other points of view and my Facebook and Twitter feeds have been full of anger, disdain and vitriol.  I read terms like "libtard" and "wingnut." I see people for whom I care deeply saying things meant to offend and hurt an entire group of people. Oftentimes, I am a part of said group without that person's knowledge. I know these people, I've seen their hearts, and mine is broken by the language that is spewed. We forget that words cannot be unsaid. They can be forgiven, but the scars will still remain.

I have refrained from posting anything political this season not because I am ashamed of what I believe or care about what other people think or am unwilling to stand up for my beliefs. (If any of you know me, you know that I stand strongly by my convictions and tend to have a pretty big mouth...) I have refrained solely because I don't think my heart can handle the backlash I would receive. I know whatever my beliefs are, there are some in my group of friends who will disagree, and will do so vigorously and most likely unkindly. There are many who hide behind a computer screen and say things they would never dare to say face-to-face. Reading words does not make them hurt less than hearing them; in fact, I think it makes them hurt more because (if you're like me) you can return and read them over and over, hoping you read them wrong the first 30 times.

I love this country because we are able to all have differing beliefs and will not be persecuted for thinking for ourselves. And I love that we have the First Amendment and the right to free speech, meaning we will not be prosecuted for saying or writing things that others may disagree with. I think, however, that many people misunderstand what this actually means. The First Amendment does not mean you can say whatever you want without consequences- these are real people with real feelings. I understand political correctness has gotten out of hand, but I believe the opposite is true as well and people have gone to the extreme of having no tact or concern for others.

 I don't understand how we got to this place. Can someone tell me if it has ever worked to bully someone into the same opinion? I belong to a group on Facebook that is very diverse- many of us have very differing opinions and are strong, loud women who are not afraid to share what we are thinking. The part I love best about this group is that we are able to have respectful conversations about many controversial things- politics, homosexuality and the church, etc. And if someone starts getting disrespectful or mean (often unintentionally because we are all just very passionate), there is always another person who is brave enough to call them out with love and turn the conversation back.

No one will EVER have the exact same opinion as me on everything, and for that I am grateful. Differing opinions help us to see the whole picture and decide for ourselves what we want to believe. And opinions can evolve over time as circumstances and events affect us and our outlook on life. But never once in my life have I changed my mind because someone told me my belief or the group with whom I identify was stupid. The apostle Paul says it well in Romans 15:7 (NLT), "Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory." In that same passage, in verse 14, he also says to admonish one another. Admonish; dictionary.com defines this word as: to reprove or scold, especially in a mild and good-willed manner. So Paul tells us that it is okay to disagree with someone and to teach them the truth, but to do so in a kind and loving manner. Many of you know how much I admire Jen Hatmaker, and this past week she has been viciously attacked by people identifying as Christians for her beliefs that are decidedly different than their own. There was a great article written about her and her beliefs on this election season among other things. The hurtful, hateful things said about her and calling her Christianity into question were unnerving. My stomach actually twisted reading some of the comments. All of her statements were made out of a place of love, and that's what she was doing- loving an entire group of people who had been previously shunned by the Christian community. Because of this backlash, I had to unfollow a few writers because I could no longer take the awful things they were saying not just about Jen, but about many others.

We are called to love others where they are, even if that is a totally different universe than us. Loving others does not mean that we agree with or even condone things they are doing. It means that we understand that they too are human and sinful, just like us. I LOVE that I have a diverse group of people with whom I interact- they have shaped and molded me and gotten me to see things in ways I never would have if I stayed in the bubble of those who agree with all of my beliefs. God made us all who we are on purpose, he doesn't make mistakes. And he calls us to love each other. 1 Peter 4:8 (NLT) says, "Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins." Regardless of what we believe, other people's sins are no worse than our own. Me losing my temper and yelling at my kids is no better than someone having an affair. God has made it clear many times in the Bible that all sins are equal, and that we should take the plank out of our own eyes before commenting on the speck in our neighbor's eye (paraphrased from Matthew 7:1-5). 

I'm hoping that then end of this political season will bring an end to the disrespect others are showing toward each other, though I suspect it will not. Society has shifted so that this is the norm and that we all just need to "get over it." I continually tell my children to ask themselves four things before they say something: 
 - Is it kind/respectful?
 - Will it build that person up?
 - Is it true?
 - Is it necessary?
 If the answer is no (especially to the last question), then I tell them that they may need to rethink what they are going to say. Why can't we as adults stick to these same rules? I feel like we are making this much harder than it has to be. We need to bring a little Jesus into our every day life and stick to the Golden Rule. Why can't we all just get along, even if we disagree? I promise to be kind and respectful to each of you, even if your beliefs do not align with mine. And please, if I have ever said anything insulting or disrespectful to you, call me on it- I want to have an actual conversation where I can apologize because that is never my intent! I pray you all have a great day and PRAISE THE LORD it is almost election day!

Good Friday

Good Friday.

It seems silly to call a day like today "good." After being falsely accused and sentenced, Jesus was taken to Golgotha to be crucified. On the cross, he was mocked and insulted. There he hung, like a criminal, bearing the weight of the sin of the world. Yet, even in His suffering, He thought of those that sent Him there. Luke 23:24 tell us "Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.'"

He knew why He was there and what was expected of Him. He did it willingly, but that didn't stop the fear He had. In His darkest moment, Jesus cried out to God. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 16:34) Even Jesus, who was without sin, cried out in doubt and fear to God. It is a normal response when in a difficult or stressful situation to doubt whether God is with you. But we need to remember that God has promised never to forsake us. Deuteronomy 31:6 tells us, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” God is always with us!

The reason today is so good is that, through Jesus suffering and death, He fulfilled the scriptures of the past. "But he was pierced for our transgression, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 53:5) Jesus made today good by taking our sin upon Himself. He gave us the greatest gift ever, one that we can never repay, and one that we should never forget.

Moving day!

 How is this possible? Four months seemed like a lifetime away when we decided to take a job in Minneapolis for Brandon last October. I feel like the last month has been in hyperdrive.

I needed a mental break from packing/cleaning, so here I am. Last night, no less than 20 people came over to help us pack. It was unbelievable. What took me three weeks to pack took everyone only an hour and a half to load up. It's crazy to see our whole lives strategically stacked into the back of a 27-foot U-haul. (And it makes me think that we still have a lot to purge!)



Walking through this big empty house brings back so many memories, and makes me think of all of the amazing things that have happened to me in Grand Forks: I met the love of my life. We found an amazing church home and made some friends that are really more like family. We brought three babies into the world. We both found incredible jobs and worked with some unbelievable people. We moved into the best neighborhood in the world and had some pretty rocking block parties. Grand Forks has given me everything I could ask for and more. But God is calling us to the Cities for a reason...

Anyone who knows me knows how much I abhor change. I was happy in my comfortable little world. So no one was more surprised than me when B asked me if he should apply for the job at MSP tower and I said "sure!" He responded "Really??" There wasn't even an argument when he told me he wanted to take the job- I felt like God wanted us there and if I've learned anything through our ordeal with Bennett, it's to trust Him.

So now, today is here. I'm a big ball of emotion, but I haven't cried today- yet. I just hope I can drive through all my tears! I'm so happy for the time I've gotten here and the relationships our family has made, but I'm looking forward to our new adventure. I get (!!) to be a Stay-at-home mom for the first time ever. I'm not sure what it looks like for me to not be a working mom... a big part of my identity is in being a labor and delivery nurse, and I'm hoping I'll be able to make my way back to it again someday.

I'd better get back to cleaning. Please pray for us through this transition - that we may all find our place in our new town. Our new little neighborhood seems amazing, and I'm excited to explore Minneapolis as a family and to have the summer off with the kids before Bennett starts kindergarten! Thank you to all who have helped us in this process with packing, food, going away events and just being there for us! I'm going to drive away from this town with nothing but great memories. Thanks GF, for everything. We'll be back to visit! And we'd love to see you if you make your way to the Minneapolis area!

For the Love of Catching Up...

So very much has happened since I last wrote- I have dreamed of being diligent with my blog, writing at least once a week. Except life happened and I can't seem to find the time. However, right now I am overwhelmed and over-emotional and I need an outlet- so I found my way back here. Let's see if I can catch up on what's going on.... (I just realized that this may take a few posts...)

 As many of you know, I was blessed to be chosen for the launch team for Jen Hatmaker's latest book "For the Love," which came out last August. What a sweet ride that was! A Facebook group was developed and a family was formed. The group is still alive and well, and we depend on each other often for prayer and support. Somehow, the group convinced Jen to host a launch party AT HER HOUSE. For most of the summer, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to go. But Labor Day weekend found me in Austin, Texas with 130 of the best friends that I had never met before! It was one of the sweetest trips of my life- being able to meet and fellowship with these people that I had only (but intimately) known online to this point. We all felt like celebrities when we would meet up at various restaurants and stores in downtown Austin. It was the most amazing thing. I can't even describe the feeling- cementing solid friendships with people over the course of four days.                
                                                                                   

20 of us showed up for supper that Thursday night

And then 75 came for supper on Friday- with just ONE waiter!

Me at the FTL Launch Party

It's not something I ever saw myself doing. I don't go places by myself! I have almost no self esteem and have been worried about what people think of me my entire life. I don't know where the courage came from to fly across the country by myself, stay in a hotel with eventually three women I had never met before, and spend the weekend in a place I'd never been spending time with people I didn't know celebrating an amazing thing I got to be a part of- it's still so surreal, even after almost five months. I think it's taken me that long to process everything. I still can't quite believe it. Many of us got there on Thursday or Friday, and the weekend was filled with meet-ups around Austin and ended with a party at Jen's house.

Me and Jen Hatmaker

We all got to meet Jen Hatmaker- and it was like meeting all of the rest of the people! I thought for sure I would be star-struck, but she was so NORMAL and I was just as excited to meet everyone else as I was to meet her. Her family meandered around the party, and I got to have a great conversation with her mom and dad as well. The night ended with a bunch of us going to a bar and dancing into the night! Many of us attended Jen's church on Sunday morning, then had brunch and boarded planes to go back to our lives around the country. It was such an amazing trip, and I know that God led me to this book and these people for a reason. They are some of the most supportive people I have ever known, and the best prayer team in the world. We've raised money for trips to Austin, cars, and laptops for each other, had mug swaps and pen pals and lives have literally been changed by this group. What a blessing it has been.


Before last March I didn't even know launch teams were a thing; now I've been on three of them in the past year! (I've had the pleasure to help launch the books 'Out of Sorts' by Sarah Bessey and 'Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes' by Kristen Welch in the past few months, and enjoyed both of them immensely.)

I've also become addicted to Jen Hatmaker's books... to be honest, I knew who she was, but I hadn't read anything that she had written before I read 'For the Love.' Now, I'm one of the biggest Jen fans in the world- reading her words is like sitting next to her talking over coffee. I can't wait to read what she has coming out next!

I'll end this with some pictures of the fabulous people I met in Austin- I love you all so!

Shannon, Elizabeth, me and Michelle

Elizabeth, Cathy (my roommates) and me

Me and momma Cheryl

Me and my dear friend Lauren

Me, Brandon Hatmaker, Cathy, Elizabeth and Carey

For the Love...

This post is part of Jen Hatmaker’s “For the Love” Blog Tour which I ,am delighted to be a part of, along with many other inspiring bloggers.  To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE.

It's here!

Today is the day Jen Hatmaker's new book "For the Love" comes out! I have been waiting for this day since March, when I got the email saying that I had been chosen to be on the Launch team for this book. One of only 500 (#the500), out of 5000 applicants. A group of 496 women and the #bandoffour men that, out of this book, formed a community unlike anything I've ever known. A Facebook group of people pouring out love to one another. Political posts where people could actually respectfully disagree with one another without hatred, name-calling, or belittling for differences of opinion. This community- people just genuinely loving on each other through many different trials in life. I love it, and I'm so blessed to be a part of it- and it's all because of this book...

This book has changed my outlook on life. Twenty-six chapters on everything from Difficult People to Turning Forty to Fashion Concerns (Leggings as Pants, the struggle is real). She oozes God's truth through all of her words, and brings the reader back to the place God wants us to focus- on Him and  His love. In her chapter entitled "On Calling and Haitian Moms," one sentence really struck me to my core. "If it isn't also true for a poor single Christian mom in Haiti, it isn't true" (#FortheLove). She goes on to say, "Theology is either true everywhere or it isn't true anywhere." Those statements are so powerful- and freeing! God loves us all- and His Son died on the cross for us ALL. Money and power are not a testament of God's love; living in faith, love, happiness and contentment is. Jen, through this book, helps us to see what life is really all about.

"For the Love!" I say this phrase daily- when something wonderful happens, when I'm frustrated, etc. That's why I was so excited to get my hands on this book. I had heard of Jen Hatmaker from a friend of mine and followed her on Facebook, but I had never really had a chance to dig into her books until I got on this Launch team. In the first chapter, Jen talks about our generation- a group of people "on the hook." I could not agree more with this statement! We are all in a race to see who can be the most perfect while doing the most things and being everything to everyone, and we're forgetting to actually participate in our lives. Jen likens our lives to being a balance beam, and challenges us to find the things that we don't actually need that throw us off-kilter and get them "off the beam." That's my new favorite saying- off the beam. Instead of feeling pressured to do everything you're asked, you can actually assess your own life and determine if you have the time or energy to do something. AND IT'S OKAY TO SAY NO! What freedom- knowing that saying no will not end the world, and often when you say no, people respect it and don't think less of you (which is a big fear for most of us). If you feel this pressure, this overwhelming feeling that you never get anything done and you are a failure, this book is for you! 

I love to read and read a LOT of books, many more than once. Since April, I have read this book at least three times, and it hits me each time. This book is a necessity for every woman in America. Just make sure when you read it, you have highlighters, pens, a notebook, and LOTS of tissues. And don't be surprised if you burst out in laughter- I woke my husband up a few times reading it at night. This book will make you laugh, make you cry, make you want to be more present in life. It gives you permission to say no. If you haven't yet- go out and buy it RIGHT NOW! This is not something you want to miss, for the love!


Check out the book trailer from Jen herself here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjyZ91Z0nFs.
 
Here is the link to the book's website:  http://forthelovebook.com/. From here, you can order the book and learn a little more about it and the author. You can also see an endorsement from yours truly (!!), as well as the endorsements from the rest of the Launch team.


If you want a chance to win a copy of the book- comment below why you want to read it and I'll choose a winner on August 23rd!

Finding my Anything

Taking a break from the water

What a beautiful day: 80° and sunny, just enough of a breeze to cool you from the heat. My kids are loving life in the pool, and playing nicely. Together. (God does perform miracles every day!) Bennett's heart is doing well and we don't need to get him checked for another year. My dad is starting to feel better. My daughter told me I look amazing in my swimsuit before we got to the pool (which was an ego boost to this momma since I was feeling a little self conscious today; I mean, having 3 kids in 4 years will not do nice things to your body...). God continues to show me His faithfulness through the little things in each day. And finally, finally, I'm starting to notice...

  I recently started reading the book "Anything" by Jennie Allen. There's been an online study, which has been helping to open my eyes as well. I've always known that I believed in God and loved Jesus and what He did for me. But even through all of that, I never felt especially close to him. I hear all of these amazing stories of how Jesus has changed people and how they are now "all in" for him. I have to admit, I have salvation envy.

 I should just be grateful- I grew up in a very happy home, knowing nothing but love and support from my parents and not wanting in anything. We went to church regularly, at least when I was younger (before the church we went to soured my family, but that's another story). Even when we didn't go to church, my parents demonstrated Jesus every day by helping and loving others. They made me strive to be better, and reeled me back when I got too arrogant. They taught me to keep my mind and heart open to others, something I've tried to bring with me throughout my life. However, it wasn't until college that I learned about having a relationship with Jesus. Since then, (so for 14 years now... ugh) I've been trying to figure out what this means to me. This led me to "Anything."

I've only finished week 5, but I've learned that going all in for God doesn't mean I have to sell all of my possessions and move to Africa- though that is one way to do it.  For me, it could mean going into each day thankful and praising Him, and living for His glory in all I do. Even the "mundane" things. Being thankful for the season I'm in- endless piles of dishes and clothes that need to be cleaned; taxiing my kids to and from activities; working at night so I can see my family during the day. I wanted my "Anything" to be a big, life-changing event,  but what if it isn't supposed to be?

I'm working on being content in my life, and what a better way to start than to accept my Jesus story and to be proud of it? No more salvation envy. No more wanting the American dream. I'm going to wake up every morning thankful for this ridiculously blessed life I have and live that thankfulness out in every part of my life. I'm going to keep striving for a stronger relationship with God and Jesus, and determining what else my "Anything" means. I'm going to start talking to my husband to see what our "Anything" is together. I'm going to help my kids find out what it means to them. I'm going to be okay with giving things up in this world so I can focus on my forever future in heaven. Maybe my life-changing event is simply finally being thankful for what I have and strengthening my relationship  with God. And that is okay.

Decorating some cookies after a swim- STILL getting along!

What is with these kids??

I know a good deal of you know about my dear Sophia and her ventures in hair cutting/styling (see my previous blog entries on these adventures- plural- like THREE times). She also cut her brothers' hair a time or two. I finally informed her that if she cut anyone's hair again, I would have to buzz hers off like her brothers- that point was well-taken and I have not had any issues (with her cutting hair) since. My dear, sweet Noah Doyle wanted his hair cut this past March and actually ASKED us to do it. He told me he didn't want to comb his hair before school anymore. Bwahahaha! Six-year-old first world problems, people.

Before- He's such a honey!

 

 After- what a handsome boy! He looks so much older!

 Thanks to this sweet boy, I had a few years of reprieve. Enter Bennett David. This boy has given me a run for my money since the minute I found out he was coming.  A couple of weeks ago, I ran downstairs to flip the laundry from the washer to the dryer. Four minutes is how long I was downstairs. Four minutes. I come upstairs to the familiar "Hmmmmmmmm" of my husband's beard trimmer. This is my first sight...

It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. This kids goes big or goes home. How could I possibly punish him?? His sister did this THREE times before I actually got mad at her. I did my best to fix it. He just looked like an old man. Thankfully it's hair and it just grows back. And that he's adorable regardless. This really is a circus I'm living in....

What I want for my kids...

So- I joined the TODAY show Parenting team, and they're asking regular moms like me for parenting advice. Seriously??? The only thing I know for sure is that, after eight years and three children, I still feel like I have NO idea what I'm doing. I consider the day successful if my kids go to bed clean and fed and mostly happy (and sometimes, clean is optional!). I married a wonderful man, and though we don't always agree on everything, we agree on the beliefs we want to instill in our children:

1) Our children will be respectful- to everyone; adults, peers, all of God's people.
2) Our children will be held accountable for their actions and learn that every decision made in life has a consequence, whether it be good or bad.
3) Our children will know that they are loved, regardless of where their lives may lead them. I frequently tell them that they can never do anything that will make me love them any less. No matter how mad I may get at them, nothing will diminish my love. Furthermore, as much as I love them, God loves them that much more. There's a game that my kids and I play. We call it "I love you to...." I will say "I love you to the stop sign." The kids will say "I love you to the street light" or anything that might be in our line of sight. The game always ends with us both saying "I love you to the heavens." We don't say "I love you to the moon" because that can be measured, and the love between parents and their children is immeasurable. (My 4-year-old, Bennett, has now started randomly started saying to me, "Mommy, I love you all the way to God." Such joy to my heart!)
4) Our children will know how to fail gracefully in life. Parents always want the best for their kids, and we are no different. However, I refuse to raise children who think life should be handed to them on a silver platter and that they will get their way in everything. We have been very blessed in life, and my children thankfully do not want for anything; this is a fact I do not want them to take for granted. I firmly believe one of the best things a parent can do for their children is to teach them that they will lose in life, and they need to know how to do it with grace. Whether it be in sports, board games, or later in life in school or at a job. Life does not often go as we plan, and we need to know how to roll with the punches and rely on God to help them through.

There are so many more things, and the list changes from day to day, but these are the things that always remain. I have a list for each of my children that I pray over often (though never enough); it's a list of characteristics that I hope to see in them when they are adults. In addition to those listed above, we strive to teach them kindness and compassion for others and a strong love for their God. As one of my favorite authors, Jen Hatmaker, says, "If they don't love Jesus and people, it matters zero if they remain virgins and don't say the F-word. We must shepherd their hearts, not just their hemlines."We need to focus more on our children's hearts than on their actions, because it is their hearts that LEAD their actions.

I am so grateful for these little humans that have been entrusted into my care. They have taught me more than I ever imagined I could learn, and I want to give them the world. But more than that, I want to teach them how to make the most of this world- and show this world how much God loves it through how they treat others. Every night, I remind my children that God has big plans for them. To me, this doesn't mean that they will cure cancer or be sports starts or movie stars (though my 8-year-old has some big plans for herself in those regards). It means that whatever the plan is for their lives, they will make a difference to someone. Just like you do for your kids every day. So my advice- instill in your children now the qualities you want to see in them in the future. Model those qualities. Talk about why they're important. Mold those precious souls. You will be so glad that you did!

What the what?!?!?!

 Let's see if I can figure out this whole blog thing again...

  Last week, I was scrolling through Facebook quickly while the kids were playing and noticed a post from Jen Hatmaker. If you don't know who she is, I suggest you immediately Google her and get on her blog. She is funny, down-to-earth, and on fire for Jesus! Anyway- I knew she had a new book coming out this summer. On her page, she posted a link to join her launch team for her book "For the Love" (one of my favorite sayings!), so I thought "why not?" I never win anything. I mean never. Well- I may have hit the jackpot in the husband and kid department, but contests... no way. I filled in all of the blanks and pressed submit. And nearly forgot about it. Until, in my email...

Knock, knock. Who's there? YOU, because YOU are on my Launch Team for 'For the Love'!! Yeah baby!! We only had room for 10% of all applicants (what the??), and we think you got the stuff. 

What the what?? Excitement flooded over me- she picked ME! Out of 5000 people, I, Me, Erin Wevers, made the cut. Then.... reality. What do I possibly know about launching a book??? I'm a labor and delivery nurse/vampire that rarely sees the light of day (i.e. I work straight nights). Plus, I just got a new title at work that comes with a ton more responsibility. Plus, my kids are starting sports soon. Plus, I haven't slept in a week... Do I have time for this... no. Will I logistically EVER have time for this... no. Will this opportunity ever present itself to me again... no. The answer is easy. So, here I am. Attached to a team of 499 of the coolest people I've never met, helping to launch this book. And let me tell you, these people are already turning my world upside down. With every interaction, I find myself again asking "why me?" These people are incredible, and supportive, and so.... normal. Thank you, Jesus, for this opportunity!!!

P.S. You need to pre-order this book on Amazon. Like right now. It comes out August 18th!! For the Love!!

Worst mom ever? Or just human....

Have you ever had a "bad mom moment?" One of those times when logically, you know it's not really a big deal, but you still feel like the worst mother in the world? I had one of those yesterday...

I feel like every possible thing that could be scheduled was supposed to happen on October 14th this year. We had our annual validation day at work, where I was supposed to help out throughout the day. It also happened to be a RED day at the kids' school, where parents come and read with their kids for 20 minutes during the day. My plan was to leave work for a bit and hang out with the kiddos at 10 am. The last time I had looked at the clock, it was 8:55 am. As I finished the stations, I looked at the clock again and it was 10:45. I immediately had a feeling of dread wash over me... I hadn't missed an event in three years! I knew it wasn't really something to get upset about, but I was just so sad that I had disappointed my kids...like it's the first time, or it will be the last.

I lost it. I just turned into a puddle. I don't know if it was the lack of sleep or what, but I honestly felt like my kids would never forgive me for this- for missing ONE 20-minute reading event, something that's held every month. My wonderful co-workers/friends assured me that it would be fine, and that I WAS a great mother. Bennett, who was at work with me that day, gave me hugs and told me not to cry. My husband thought we should use it as a lesson, and then get them some ice cream later. At first, I thought (and asked B) "What lesson? That their mom sucks? What could they possibly learn from this?" Then, I realized he was right. This WAS a good lesson for them: people will disappoint us. Even the ones we love the most. Even those who love us the most. Sometimes on accident, like yesterday. Sometimes, unfortunately, people hurt and disappoint us on purpose.

But- we have a choice to make. Thankfully, we are the ones who get to decide how to react to these situations. After I lost it for a bit, I pulled myself together and headed to the school. By this time, both of my kids were at lunch. So, I signed in and found Noah in the lunch room. I asked his forgiveness, telling him time got away from me and that I was so sorry to disappoint him. He replied "that's okay, Mommy. I only cried a little." Talk about turning the knife! We hugged it out, and I found Sophia and apologized to her as well. She was very understanding and life was good again. I had a good lunch period with both of them, and sent them off to recess with all of us feeling better. At school, there were two other moms who reminded me that as moms, we make mistakes and we need to forgive ourselves. The fact is, the kids will likely forget this ever happened (my mom told me she forgot to pick me up at school once, only for a few minutes, and I didn't remember that at all!).

Deuteronomy 31:8 says "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” The truth is, God is the only one who won't ever disappoint us. I was able to talk with the kids after school again and remind them of this fact. As their mother, I try my best every day, but I am human and will make mistakes. Every day, I have to die to myself and intentionally follow what God requires of us. Every day, I'm reminded of how much I need Him in my life. I'm so thankful to have friends and family who are supportive, and I'm truly thankful for a loving God who forgives my wrongs and always welcomes me back with open arms. Wishing you all a blessed day!

Erin

There's always a silver lining...

 Today was a pretty rough day... Well, let's preface that with my weekend. I worked nights from Thursday to Sunday. I often don't sleep well during the day, but this weekend was the worst in a while as I was only able to sleep 3 1/2-4 hours each day. Sunday night shift ended up being pretty busy and Monday morning was awful- three nurses from nights ended up staying for part of the day shift and I didn't get done until about 1pm (I went in a 7pm the night before).

  I got a little nap on Monday afternoon. Brandon noticed on Monday evening that Bennett's left ear was draining.  I went to look at it and it was DRAINING- I mean sticky, yellowish-clear fluid dripping down his ear. One of my doctor friends said if it bugged him (or me) I could take him in but he was okay so I figured I'd get up and take him to early morning clinic at the hospital. Sophia woke up at 1230 crying because she had to go to the bathroom, so I helped her go and get back to bed. Brandon's alarm woke me up around 530 or so, then Bennett got up at 545 so out of bed I got. His ear wasn't draining as much, but he had a rash on his left cheek now and he was pulling at both ears. I took him downstairs for some breakfast hoping to get him to go back to sleep for a bit when I heard Noah calling me, asking for "bwekfast." After pouring Noah a bowl of cereal, I let go of my hope for more sleep and got dressed so once the daycare girls got to my house I could take Bennett to the doctor. I put my workout clothes on, planning to go to the gym after Bennett's check-up.

 At 7:03am my phone rang- it was my dad. He doesn't call me frequently, and NEVER calls me early in the morning. He let me know that my Grandma Ollie, who has been suffering with Alzheimer's for the last 12 years, passed away around 1:00 am. I was both very saddened and very relieved, it was bittersweet news. I was happy that she was now free from the awful disease that stole a woman who was so independent and full of life, but saddened that my children would not know her (and more saddened that they would never know the Grandma that I knew). My dad told me he would call me back with details on the funeral and we hung up. I prayed that God would keep me and my family strong and thanked Him for ending Grandma's suffering.

 Once Ashli got to my house, I got Noah watching a movie and loaded up Bennett and headed to the doctor. He ran around the waiting room, playing like nothing was wrong. Finally, his name was called and we went back to see Pam, the NP. She asked about his ear and I told her the left ear had been draining some fluid. She asked if he had tubes, to which I replied "no."

"Oh," she said, "normally ears only drain like that if they have tubes in or if the eardrum is perforated."

Great.

She looked in both ears and sure enough- perforated left eardrum from infection. The right ear was also infected and he had impetigo on his left cheek from the bacteria-filled drainage from his ear. Yikes! So we left with scripts for Amoxicillin, antibiotic ear drops and an antibiotic cream for his cheek. Good grief! Of course, the retail pharmacy where the prescriptions were sent didn't open until 9am, so Bennett and I went up to the OB floor to hang out for the half hour we had to wait. It was hopping! My poor coworkers and I have been working really hard for what seems like a really long time now. Luckily, we have a great family up there and the people I work with make the busyness more bearable.

I took Bennett home after getting his meds and dosed him up, then put him down for a nap. I was going to go to the gym, but instead passed out on my bed for three hours! I woke up feeling much better. The rest of the day was spent playing with my kids and replanting my seedlings for my garden. I feel like I've been dealt a hard hand sometimes and on days like this wonder how much more I can take. Then I realize that things could be much worse- as sick as Bennett gets sometimes, I still have him with me and that's more than I could ask for in itself. I have two other beautiful, happy, healthy children. I have a husband who loves me very much (as I do him). We have a great support system. We don't have to live paycheck to paycheck. We both have jobs we love. We have a wonderful church family. Most importantly- we have God in our corner fighting for us every step of the way- and remembering that helps me most days. One day at a time- it can only get better, right?? AND- only 262(ish) days until Jamaica! There's that silver lining I've been waiting for- its not too far away.

Living the Dream...

  Lately I've been feeling like I'm in a rat race- there's always something I HAVE to get done right away; I want to play with the kids, but I really should get "such-and-such" done. My temper has also been flaring a bit more as of late, which is something I neither like nor am proud of. So I've decided to make a change! The first step was to get that sweet baby of mine to sleep through the night: at 15 months old, that shouldn't be such a task. Getting up twice a night was getting to be ridiculous- especially since he stops crying as soon as he sees me and lays back down- and it was making for a VERY tired momma. Last Monday night, he got up twice and cried for about 30 minutes and went back to sleep by himself. Then I went to bed on Tuesday night expecting to get up at least once and woke up... to my alarm on Wednesday morning! Seven whole hours of sleep- I don't even remember what that's like! And now today is Sunday- and he's slept all night every night since! I'm starting to think I should have a "my baby is FINALLY sleeping" party!

Bennett enjoying our spaghetti supper!

 So, with all this extra sleep I've been getting, I'm trying to be more productive- starting with my children. Today, I looked around the house and noticed the dishes on the counter and the toys on the floor and thought "who cares?" The best thing I did the whole night was spent it on the floor wrestling and playing with all my kids. I'm pretty sure I had more fun than they did! What a great feeling- making great memories with my sweet babies instead of doing something I'll just have to do again tomorrow or the next day. I love being a mommy!

Anyone know where I can buy a big bubble?

    So, if you know me well at all, you know that I am and have always been a complete klutz. I trip over everything! Apparently, I have a couple of children that follow in my footsteps. The most obvious is my sweet baby boy Bennett. He has been having trouble sleeping as of late, and Sunday night was no exception. I got a total of three hours of sleep in between calming Bennett down and trying to fall back asleep (working nights has been taking its toll on my body). The last time he woke up was around 5am Monday morning, and by 6:30am, I was done trying to fall back asleep and just got up and exercised. I figured I could take a nap with the kids in the afternoon before having to work that night. Once the kids got up, I threw all the sheets in the wash and took a shower and was folding clothes. By 10am, I was feeling super-productive!

  Sophia was "helping" me fold and put away laundry when I heard Amanda yell from downstairs,

"Umm... Erin..."
  
     I went to investigate (being the resident daycare nurse and all). I go to the kitchen to discover my baby bleeding profusely from his forehead and screaming his face off.

"He was walking around downstairs and tripped and hit the fireplace," Amanda informed me.

      Yep, sounds like one of my kids! So I get the bleeding to stop and Sophia goes upstairs and gets me a bandaid- Ironman of all things!

"You are definitely NOT Ironman," I said to him with a smile as I put it on his poor head.

 I then called the clinic to see if they could do stitches since his laceration was pretty big and I really didn't feel like spending my afternoon in the ER waiting room.
   
 I sent Bennett to the basement to play while I continued my laundry duty and waited for the doc to call me back. About 40 minutes later, I hear again,

 "Ummm... Erin....."
      
     NOW which one of the kids got hurt? I had a feeling my laundry was not going to get put away today... I go to the kitchen to see... BENNETT bleeding profusely again, this time from his upper lip!

"He was playing by the stairs and fell against the banister."
  
      Poor Amanda. This one definitely needed stitches as well.

 "Well," I say, "now I HAVE to go in."
      
       Right after I got Bennett buckled into his carseat, the clinic called back.

  "We can get you in at 2:15 today."
    
  "Well, Bennett just fell AGAIN and cut his lip, so I don't think that we can wait until then. Thank you though."

Bear's bandaids on the way to the hospital

  
  And so we were off to the ER. We got there around 11am and apparently the ER is a rocking place to be on a Monday morning, so there we waited for a few hours. BTW- it is VERY hard to keep a 14-month-old entertained in an ER waiting room for ANY period of time. We did a lot of walking in the hallway outside the ER waiting room, playing with the blocks, walking some more in the hallway, back and forth, back and forth for what seemed like forever. One of the nurses came out every so often to assure us they were getting us in as soon as they could. Being a nurse myself, I understand how busy things get and I was just thankful that Bennett's condition was not life-threatening and that we were able to wait as long as we did. I saw a friend of mine while we were waiting and she looke at us and said,
 
   "Wow, you guys look tough!"

   RIGHT! I had TOTALLY forgotten that the evening before, I was wrestling on the floor with the kids and noticed at bedtime that I had a significant shiner under my left eye. Now, here I am the next morning at the ER with a black eye and a child with not one but TWO facial lacerations that need stitches! At that point, I was sure a social worker was on his or her way down to file a 960 and take my kids away! I even asked one of my social worker friends to come to my house and interview my kids so that there would be a positive review at social services (I was only partly kidding about the request)!

   Finally, after what seemed like days (and right after Bennett had finally fallen asleep for about 20 minutes), they called his name. And the time now was.... 2:15pm. Yep, I guess I could've made that clinic appointment!

"I can help you with your stuff, Erin," the nurse said.

  That was nice, but how did she know my name? I looked at her nametag. Abbie. Right- she had followed me for a few days as a nursing student last fall. At least it was a familiar face to me! They got him into the suture room and a couple nurses looked at his face and put some numbing cream on both lacerations.

"This will have to set up for about 30 minutes. Can I get some crackers and juice for him?"

  Absolutely! It was so nice, since both he and I had missed lunch as well. Bennett was loving the graham crackers and juice and was starting to perk up a bit when Dr. McKinnon came in. It took three of us to hold Bennett down, but the doctor got all eight stitches in- four on the forehead and four on his lip. I just keep reminding myself that chicks dig scars. My poor little boy! The running stitch count at our house is now 13. We got home around 3:30pm and Bennett ate some lunch. I was able to sleep for about 20 minutes once Brandon got home, then I headed off to work at 7pm for my night shift. These kids sure keep my on my toes, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm just so thankful he's here, I'll take every ER visit and stitch he's willing to give me! Here's to being a mom of boys!

All done with stitches!

It seems never-ending... it's a good thing he's cute!

 Bennett has decided that he's going to give me a run for my money. On Monday night around 11pm, he had a febrile seizure and went into SVT. That bought us a trip via ambulance to the PICU at Sanford in Fargo and a two day stay filled with all sorts of tests. We finally got discharged and got home earlier today. I don't get this kid- he has open-heart surgery and comes home on Lasix for a month... he has a seizure and comes home on Atenolol twice daily "until we tell you to stop." Praise the Lord for insurance- I can't wait to see this bill. He is worth every penny though. I am just thankful that God is with us always and helps us through every setback Bennett has. Please read Bennett's CaringBridge journal for all the details (starting March 13)... http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bennettwevers/journal/2

Helpful girl...or not

 Lately, I've been unable to sleep very well. In fact, I've averaged about 4-5 hours of sleep per night. Bennett will wake up around 4 or 5am, and I just can't fall back asleep. This morning was one of those days~ I settled Bennett back to sleep at 4am and my body decided I was up for the day. I got some stuff done and played with the boys when they woke up at 7am. B wasn't feeling well, so we stayed home from church and just rested with the kids all day. We put them all down for a nap around 1pm, so B and I laid down too. He got up and went to work at 2pm, but left me sleeping. When I finally woke up at 4pm, I heard ALL of the kids downstairs. No, that can't be right...
  As I came down the stairs, I heard Bennett squealing.

"Sophia, how did Bennett get out of his crib?"
"I got him out. I just climbed in and held on to him VERY tight."
"How did he get into his high chair?"
"I used a stool and put him in."

Oh my goodness! This little girl thinks she is way older than she really is!

"Why didn't you wake me up?? I need to be awake if you guys are, honey."
"I wanted to let you sleep. Anyway, I need to practice being a mommy."

What??? Isn't she only five? Where does this mentality come from?

"You don't need to practice quite yet. You need to be a little girl as long as you can, honey."
"Well Mommy, I'm not going to be little for too much longer."

Isn't that the truth?! After this, I had her repeat something we've been teaching her: the order of life. Granted, life doesn't always turn out the way you plan (case-in-point: Bennett), but trying to follow the order will make life a little easier.

"Sophia, what's the order?"
"Go to college, get a job, get married, have babies. That's the order."
"That's right, let's just be a little girl for a while, okay?"
"Okay Mommy."

Next time, I'll have to have B wake me up before he leaves; I can't have any more helping going on while I'm sleeping! Hopefully, tonight will be better and I can get some good rest. Thankfully, I'm off nights for a few weeks so my body should acclimate to real life again. I can't wait until I can cut back at work and only work 2 days per week!

Playing "Doctor"

 First of all, I'd like to apologize for not write for a few months- life got in the way! I'm going to try to catch up here soon but we'll start with the present.

 Yesterday, I hear Sophia playing in her room and she calls to me,

"Mommy, do you want to play doctor with me?"

This intrigued me, what could she possibly mean by this? So I walked into her room and asked,

"How do we do that?"
"Well, I put on my BennyBear shirt and take my telescope and listen to your heart and give you a shot so you don't die, and that's how you play doctor."

Playing "Doctor"

Well, that sounded good to me! She also asked if I had another "BennyBear shirt" (shirts we had made for Bennett's benefit last June) so that Noah could play too. I gave her one of my small shirts, which she was swimming in, and she gave her shirt to Noah. They proceded to spend the next 30 minutes listening to everyone who got within five feet of them with the telescope (a play stethescope I bought for her when she was Bennett's age) and giving us all shots (poking me in the arm with a ponytail holder she had folded in half). Bennett managed to avoid them, but still sneak a peek at me around the corner. It was such a fun time, and I hope this is the only way she ever tries to play doctor, unless she becomes Sophia Wevers, MD!

Peek, Mommy!

They don't have to be blood to be family...

What am I going to do with my Noah?? Sophia and I come home from her dance recital and no more than 30 minutes later he has run full-speed INTO the counter! He cried so I picked him up and hugged him and was going to send him off to play when I noticed blood on his hand. I looked at his head more closely and sure enough, he had cut his head open! It was a small, maybe 1/2 inch gash right above his hairline near his right temple, but was it DEEP~ I'm pretty sure I could've seen his brain if I looked hard enough! I debated for a few minutes, wondering if he would need a stitch or two... do I take him in, do I leave it? I decided that since it was a head wound I should take him to the ER to get checked out. The problem was, I did NOT want to take three kids under six to the ER on a Saturday evening by myself, especially if I had to hold one down for stitches! I literally called EVERYONE I could think of, but they either didn't answer or couldn't watch the kids. Finally, I called good old "Uncle Dave." This man has gotten me out of more pickles- we are so blessed to have him in our lives! Our conversation went something like this:

"Hey Erin, what's up?"
"Hey Dave, are you busy right now?"
"Ummm kinda, I was just headed to my parents' house for supper with the family, why?"
"Well, Noah cracked his head open and he might need some stitches. I was wondering if you could watch the other two. No big deal if you're busy though, we'll work it out."
"No problem, I'm only a few blocks away anyway. I'll swing by and pick them up- they can come with us."
"No, I don't want to interrupt your dinner!"
"It's no big deal, I'll be right there."

  And he was- he got to my house a few minutes later. He drove my suburban and he put a carseat in the back of his car so I could drive that to the ER with Noah. Then he took my other two kiddos out to the Dunham's (where they always have a good time!). Noah and I spent less than two hours in the ER and left with a coloring book and WITHOUT any more stitches (he got five stitches in his left ear right before Bennett was born). So I headed out to the Dunham's to get my kids, whom they had fed (I hadn't even started dinner before Noah's debacle!). And, they had supper waiting for me and Noah! The kids had a blast, and we stayed and visited for a little while before heading home and getting to bed. We are so very blessed with the people we have in our lives and so thankful to know the Dunham's!

My baby is no longer a baby...

 This past year has gone by so very quickly- my sweet little Bennett Bear is ONE year old today!!! To be honest, there were times in my pregnancy when I wasn't sure we would even reach this milestone. It has been a whirlwind year and it was nice to be able to celebrate such a momentous occasion with all of our friends. Our families weren't able to join us, but we have a lot of friends around here that we count as family, so we still had a great time. Bennett got some great presents and LOVED his cake (Brandon again picked out marble with bavarian cream filling and a "Benny Bear" on top- B said Sophia picked out that bear because it had a heart on it), as did the rest of us.
  I am so blessed to have this little boy in my life, to watch him learn and grow and dance! He has so much fun with his big brother and sister, and it amazes me to watch the interaction among the three of them. It just reminds me what a joy it is each day to wake up and be a mother to those beautiful babies!

My sweet girl is FIVE!!

 I cannot believe it- I swear it was just yesterday I was bringing her home from the hospital and now my sweet, sassy Sophia is five years old. I sent the kids to daycare today, only because it would be their last day at Miss Amanda's house with all of their friends (we start the daycare at our house next week). I picked them up in the afternoon and we headed to Splasher's of the South Seas at the Canad Inn for a fun-filled waterpark fun night. Sophia chose a Rapunzel party at the waterpark and I was determined to give her what she wanted, since last year I was VERY pregnant and barely got the poor girl a cake let alone a party. She had a blast with her friends, and all of her cousins came along with Auntie Kelcey, Auntie Nicky, Uncle Kelly and Grandma Susie. The best part of the night was that we went to the arcade after swimming and Sophia hit the jackpot on a game and won 846 tickets! No more than five minutes later, my mom hit the jackpot on another game and won 1000 tickets! Needless to say, we have a lot more JUNK at my house after cashing all of those in. She also got some great presents that I know she'll put to good use! Happy birthday, my sweet peanut!!

Sophia and Noah down the slide

Daddy playing with Noah and Sophia

Blowing out the candles!

Merry merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

 It's the most wonderful time of the year! I absolutely LOVE Christmas, and this year there's even more to celebrate as it's Bennett's first Christmas as well. We were able to spend the holidays this year in Baldwin Wisconsin with B's family; this is the first year since Sophia's first Christmas that we were here for the actual holiday! We were even able to spend a day with each side of B's family. B's brother Justin and his wife Amanda were also able to come back, and we all stayed at B's parents' house (the five of us in one room can get really interesting sometimes!). We had some sweet fellowship with one another, and it's always great to be able to benefit from B's mom's phenomenal cooking abilities!

The Wevers Clan

 As you can see, I found some GREAT Christmas outfits for Sophia and Noah. I'm basically keeping these pictures as collatoral for when they get older... the best part is that they both loved wearing their Santa gear!

Santa babies

We also got a few great "awkward" pictures, which really is the Wevers specialty. Here is one of my absolute favorites (and one of the reasons I truly love my husband)...

Awkward photo!

 It was a wonderful Christmas and we had a great time with family celebrating the birth of Jesus. This was the first year Sophia started to understand WHY we celebrate Christmas in the first place; that made it all the more fun!