Worst mom ever? Or just human....

Have you ever had a "bad mom moment?" One of those times when logically, you know it's not really a big deal, but you still feel like the worst mother in the world? I had one of those yesterday...

I feel like every possible thing that could be scheduled was supposed to happen on October 14th this year. We had our annual validation day at work, where I was supposed to help out throughout the day. It also happened to be a RED day at the kids' school, where parents come and read with their kids for 20 minutes during the day. My plan was to leave work for a bit and hang out with the kiddos at 10 am. The last time I had looked at the clock, it was 8:55 am. As I finished the stations, I looked at the clock again and it was 10:45. I immediately had a feeling of dread wash over me... I hadn't missed an event in three years! I knew it wasn't really something to get upset about, but I was just so sad that I had disappointed my kids...like it's the first time, or it will be the last.

I lost it. I just turned into a puddle. I don't know if it was the lack of sleep or what, but I honestly felt like my kids would never forgive me for this- for missing ONE 20-minute reading event, something that's held every month. My wonderful co-workers/friends assured me that it would be fine, and that I WAS a great mother. Bennett, who was at work with me that day, gave me hugs and told me not to cry. My husband thought we should use it as a lesson, and then get them some ice cream later. At first, I thought (and asked B) "What lesson? That their mom sucks? What could they possibly learn from this?" Then, I realized he was right. This WAS a good lesson for them: people will disappoint us. Even the ones we love the most. Even those who love us the most. Sometimes on accident, like yesterday. Sometimes, unfortunately, people hurt and disappoint us on purpose.

But- we have a choice to make. Thankfully, we are the ones who get to decide how to react to these situations. After I lost it for a bit, I pulled myself together and headed to the school. By this time, both of my kids were at lunch. So, I signed in and found Noah in the lunch room. I asked his forgiveness, telling him time got away from me and that I was so sorry to disappoint him. He replied "that's okay, Mommy. I only cried a little." Talk about turning the knife! We hugged it out, and I found Sophia and apologized to her as well. She was very understanding and life was good again. I had a good lunch period with both of them, and sent them off to recess with all of us feeling better. At school, there were two other moms who reminded me that as moms, we make mistakes and we need to forgive ourselves. The fact is, the kids will likely forget this ever happened (my mom told me she forgot to pick me up at school once, only for a few minutes, and I didn't remember that at all!).

Deuteronomy 31:8 says "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” The truth is, God is the only one who won't ever disappoint us. I was able to talk with the kids after school again and remind them of this fact. As their mother, I try my best every day, but I am human and will make mistakes. Every day, I have to die to myself and intentionally follow what God requires of us. Every day, I'm reminded of how much I need Him in my life. I'm so thankful to have friends and family who are supportive, and I'm truly thankful for a loving God who forgives my wrongs and always welcomes me back with open arms. Wishing you all a blessed day!

Erin